December Newsletter: Assertive Communication

Welcome to the Beating Burnout Newsletter. A digital magazine dedicated to living mindfully, deeper reflection and personal growth. Read more on our website.

❄️ A quick check-in…

Nursing school hammers into our brains that we need to prioritize the needs of others.

We always need to give our patients the benefit of the doubt,

Interpret any difficult behaviour as a sign of an underlying unmet need,

Even when their actions are harsh and take a toll on us.

So that we can advocate for their sake.

But what happens to our own needs?

People, school and broader institutions will inevitably cross our boundaries,

And we often just suck it up and carry on.

But we’re human, we have limits.

We deserve to take up space too,

We can’t keep helping others if we don’t dedicate the same kind energy to ourselves.

📔 What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is being able to communicate your perspective openly, honestly and respectfully. It is a form of self-care because you are being clear about your needs and feelings.

To be assertive, you need to be kind…

• (1) To yourself: You must understand that you are worthy of having an opinion and deserve to take up space. You don’t have to always be agreeable to avoid conflict, because being too agreeable allows others to disregard your needs either unintentionally or on purpose. 

• (2) To others: To be honest to others means trusting them as equals who can tolerate differences in opinions. Knowing that they deserve honest communication, and that they will likely work with you to come to a solution.

🦜 Types of Communication

Assertive communication lies on a spectrum that can be summed up as the following: To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide for yourself, and to trust that they are enough, that you are enough.

Click on the image below to read more about each style of communication.

🤔 Why is Assertiveness Important?

Assertiveness also shapes our interactions by communicating what we will and won’t accept. For people who are passive communicators, it is easy for others to assume that you are “okay with everything” and cross boundaries.

• In the short term, self-denial through passive communication can alleviate anxiety by postponing conflict.

• However, when we try to balance too many commitments for other people, we might start to feel as though we are not in control of our own situation. This leads to stress, anger, and frustration.

• Overtime, we can build up resentment due to feelings of being misunderstood or used, and can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

🔮 Practising Assertiveness in Your Daily Life

Why is it difficult?

• 🧍 Individual level: Feelings of low self-esteem and unworthiness make it difficult to view our needs as important. Fearing that others will leave once they see “the true self” can cause people to be too agreeable which allows them to disregard your needs.

• 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family level: Much of our communication styles is modelled and learnt through childhood. Passive communication might occur naturally if someone was constantly berated for expressing their opinions which creates an association between personal needs and conflict.

• 🗺️ Societal level: The level of acceptable assertiveness is deep rooted in the culture and society in which we live. In North America, women tend to be socially conditioned to be more passive and if they are assertive, society tends to label them as aggressive, pushy, catty or b*tchy.

Daily Acts of Assertiveness

• 🪞 Reflect on what your needs are. If you feel slightly uncomfortable from someone else’s actions, lean into that feeling, there is a reason why your body reacted that way. Explore where this came from, what about the situation is conflicting with your values, and name the feeling.

• 💬 Once you figure it out, try to address the issues early on. Be honest, unapologetic and non-accusatory. A good way is to phrase your statement as: “When you [action] i feel [feeling] because [reason] i would prefer [preference]”

• 🚪 If you can’t respond assertively and kindly in the moment because of overwhelming emotions, take a break and then come back to it. But it is always better to say something about what’s bothering you, rather than letting it fester. Communication gives the other person an opportunity to modify their behaviours and come to a solution together.

Thought Journaling

• 😢 Negative emotions and insecurities are channelled from our deepest core wounds. When those feelings are triggered, it can be helpful to slow down and sort out those thoughts on paper.

• 📜 The Australian Centre for Clinical Interventions has a great guide regarding thought journaling, and helps break situations down into (1) Understanding your own reaction; and (2) Challenging your thoughts.

🩸 Practising Assertiveness as a Nursing Student

Why is it difficult?

• 🧍 Individual Level: As nursing students we often learn skills immediately before performing them in clinical. It’s a steep learning curve and we lack practice, so this shakes our confidence in our own ability and judgment.

• 🗺️ Societal Level: There is also a perception that people in the interdisciplinary team are not approachable, often due to their position and rank. We often assume that they should already know what is happening and our observations are thus, redundant.

Trust Your Gut Feeling

• 😰 Do you feel off based on your observations as a nursing student? Depending on your unit culture, you can ask your primary nurse or clinical instructor to double verify your findings and then assertively suggest your recommendations.

  • Ie. Finding: significantly more unilateral swelling and erythema around the patient’s left elbow, could this be a deep vein thrombosis? → Verification: asking your primary nurse to check it out. → Assert: can we ask the MD to order an ultrasound to rule this out?

Call out Unsafe Practices

• 👨‍🏫 Do you have a clinical instructor who is not on the floor for prolonged periods of time without explanation? Do they belittle and intimidate you when you make a learner’s mistake? You have a right to a safe learning environment, and you can report your experiences to the nursing coordinators through your uOttawa email. 

Recognize Your Limitations

• 🏋️ Are you unsure about how to boost, transfer or pivot patients safely because there is very limited training in school for proper body mechanics? Do you feel uncomfortable because a patient with cognitive decline is trying to touch you inappropriately? Did a nurse ask you to perform a task by yourself that you aren’t confident in? You have a right to be safe. You can say that you are not comfortable with a situation and then get additional hands and support. Do not be afraid to let your clinical instructor know.

🪷 Small Affirmation

I deserve to take more space in my presence around others and to be truly seen.

I deserve to take more space in my voice in a loud world and to be truly heard.

I deserve to take more space in my heart and take care of my needs first.

Because I know these things, I now try not to make my voice small when I want to speak so loudly that it hurts.

I try not to be apologetic for taking the time to express what I feel to others when the person I should be accommodating first is myself.

I try not to bottle up my emotions because the longer I do, the longer it will take to get past ignoring them.

After taking moments to pause and breathe, I gently remind myself again that I am enough. That I deserve to speak from the heart and to be heard. That my thoughts, opinions, and voice matter.

(Taken from: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-reasons-i-was-scared-to-take-up-space-and-how-i-boosted-my-confidence/)

Reference Resources 🌳 

📘 Recommended Reads

• Fierce self-compassion (Kristin Neff)

• The assertiveness workbook: how to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships (Randy J Paterson)

🎵 Rapid Records

crystaltheoracle

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@juicyjrock

repeat after me: i am enough. every sunrise, every sunset, every day. #selfcare

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